so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
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I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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