I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
