i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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