yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
