On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
