I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
