so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
