Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize