My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
