He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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