Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We're too hungover to prance.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
