you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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