conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
