i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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