I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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