please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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