Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
