My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
