Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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