So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she looked like the before picture.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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