she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
