Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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