I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
