I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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