the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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