Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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