is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
