The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
