finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
