i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
