half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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