I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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