I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
