So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
