I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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