escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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