Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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