Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
