gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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