i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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