It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
