Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
