in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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