if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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