PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
