I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
