Already got asked if we're dating
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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