you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
