all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
