brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
