I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
