dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just high enough for therapy.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
