talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
