so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
