Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize