I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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