its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
