I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
50% drunk capacity currently
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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