just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
