There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
