do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
