well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
