i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
