Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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