best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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