he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
FUCK WHALES
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
