Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
