I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
