How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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